


Fragile

by queenofcheese



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, im sorry, oh yeah, okay trigger warning in advance, this took me longer to write than my other fics, totally not based of a true story hahahahahahaha
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-28 22:13:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10840515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenofcheese/pseuds/queenofcheese
Summary: No one would notice his absence. He would become one of those stories where someone died and no one found their body until months later. He wouldn't mind that. He would be long gone before anyone really noticed. He could live with that.orJames is suicidal and Thomas just wants to help.





	Fragile

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning for mentions of suicide and related topics. Please don't read if you are really sensitive to that stuff ^^;

James laid on the tile of his apartment's kitchen floor. He wasn't sure how long he had been there but he did know he wasn't getting up anytime soon. It wasn't a good day for him; mental health wise. He slept hours past his alarm, his medications didn't have as much of an effect as they normally do, he didn't feel like eating, and no one had called to see if he was doing okay.

_No one called because they don't care._

That damn voice again. The one that always came around during the lowest of times. His doctor told him to ignore it and busy himself with something he enjoyed to do. That definitely wasn't going to happen considering his position on the floor. He closed his eyes and sighed. Sleep would help even though he had woken up only four hours ago. His eyes quickly jolted open when he heard an obnoxious sound coming from his phone. Thomas _._ He waited to see if the noise would eventually stop and groaned when it started over again. If Thomas was this persistent, he must have wanted something important.

James sat up slowly, rubbing his eyes in the process. He stood up shortly after, holding onto the counter to regain his balance. He glanced over at the orange bottle containing the last of his pills. He would have to get a refill in a few days if he kept taking them normally. Unless...

_Take them now and everything will disappear._

The voice again. But this time, it actually sounded pleasant and calm. The obnoxious ring echoed through the silent apartment. The thought rang through his mind again as he stared at the bottle. No one would notice his absence. He would become one of those stories where someone died and no one found their body until months later. He wouldn't mind that. He would be long gone before anyone really noticed. He could live with that.

_Then do it._

He held the bottle carefully, afraid it might break in his palms. He twisted the cap slowly, his breathing becoming deeper. After what seemed like forever, the bottle came open. The ringtone on his phone had finally stopped and the apartment was deathly silent. Perfect for the occasion. 

_Stop stalling and do it._

Should he write a note? Or get dressed up? That's what they do in movies and shows, maybe it was some unwritten rule that you had to look your best for the person who finds you?

_**Do it.** _

James dumped the remaining pills into his hand. He didn't bother to count them. He poured himself a glass of water and sighed. This was it. His problems would disappear and he would be happy wherever he was. He murmured a quick prayer before pushing the pills into his mouth.

He didn't notice someone was at his door until he heard something picking his lock. He scrambled to drink the water so the pills would be easier to swallow. The door flew open as he dropped the water glass. Shit. 

"James? You in here?" 

Damn it all to hell. He was this close to freedom and he wasn't going to let anyone take that away from him. He reached for another glass when he heard someone's voice again but it was closer this time. 

"James, what are you doing?" Thomas was staring right at him, his eyes filled with worry.  James opened his mouth to say something but closed it when he felt some of the pills attempt to escape his mouth. There was a pregnant pause before Thomas had him in his arms. He coughed and spit the pills into his hand. _Disgusting_. He didn't realize he was crying until he sniffled and buried his head into Thomas' shirt. 

Thomas was speaking in rapid-fire French (he always did when he was nervous). He was shaking and held onto James as if his life depended on it. "Please don't leave me, Jemmy. Please don't ever fucking leave me," He finally said in English. James shook his head frantically. He let out a choked sob he didn't realize he was holding. They stood like that for a while, the apartment silent except for James' quiet apologies and Thomas' shushing and occasional "It's okay." 

"I thought you wouldn't miss me and you wouldn't notice I was gone and everything would be so much easier if I weren't here and-" James rambled on and on as Thomas just held him.

"Bullshit," Thomas stated, cutting him off. "I would have missed you. And if no one else would, I would miss you enough for everyone." James mumbled something into Thomas' chest and gripped onto him. "I know you don't really wanna talk about this, so why don't we snuggle up and watch Netflix together? And if you're feeling better later, we can discuss it?" Thomas pulled away slowly, looking down at James.

James nodded and smiled. Maybe this is what living feels like. Having ups and downs and periods of uncertainty was normal and he'd have to get used to it. One day, James would look in the mirror and see someone mentally stable and happy with an amazing family but for now, he'd be happy snuggled up with a man he knew loved him with all his heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are really apricated because this is my very first time writing angst and I got tired and bullshitted the ending. Maybe one day I'll actually write something good. ugh.. thanks for reading though.**


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